


Minor Conspiracies

by thehoyden



Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-05
Updated: 2010-01-05
Packaged: 2017-10-05 20:39:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehoyden/pseuds/thehoyden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter <i>what</i> Yumichika said, Ikkaku wasn't an idiot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Minor Conspiracies

**Author's Note:**

> A few AUish elements, but nothing drastic. Thank you to [](http://lynnmonster.livejournal.com/profile)[**lynnmonster**](http://lynnmonster.livejournal.com/) for the beta, and to [](http://peroxidepest17.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://peroxidepest17.livejournal.com/)**peroxidepest17**, who introduced me to to the pairing and then made me kind of unable to live without it.

No matter _what_ Yumichika said, Ikkaku wasn't an idiot.

At least, not when it really mattered. But it wouldn't have taken a genius to figure out that some seriously bad shit had gone down in the third division, and Ikkaku didn't have to look any further than his inherited vice-captain to find that out.

"Pardon me," Kira murmured, and moved some of the papers on Ikkaku's desk to set down a tea tray.

Ikkaku stared at it. He would know the smell of his favorite blend of tea anywhere, and there were some of those rice crackers he liked now and then spread out all fancy-like on a plate. And as far as he knew, he'd never mentioned anything like that to Kira, not ever.

He must have been quiet too long, because Kira wrung his hands a little, and said, "If the tea isn't right, or if you'd prefer something else, I'll get it right away." There was something about the anxious look on his face that made Ikkaku think that Kira would do anything he asked, and it sent an unpleasant shiver up his spine.

Poison had always seemed to Ikkaku to be a damned boring way to kill someone, not to mention cowardly. You wanted to kill someone, you stuck a sword in them right proper and told them your name. You didn't let them malinger in ignorance, not even knowing the end was coming. And yet, near as he could figure, the third division had been poisoned from the inside out, had been rotting for years before Ichimaru deserted them.

And god only knew what that bastard had done to Kira.

"It's perfect," Ikkaku said finally, because hell if he could stand that look on Kira's face. "Aren't you going to have some?"

Kira stared at him like he was speaking another language.

Ikkaku sighed and scratched his head a little. "Look, go find another cup, would you?"

Kira obeyed with a haste that made his gut twist a little. It was just tea, not the end of the world. No reason for a man to be scurrying around like that.

Kira came back with another cup, and stood uncertainly in front of Ikkaku's desk, like he didn't want to presume that he had the right to sit down, even after Ikkaku had invited him.

Ikkaku sighed and got up to pull a chair around to his side of the desk, and said gruffly, "Have a seat."

Kira did, but not before he'd poured for both of them and handed Ikkaku his cup.

The tea was every bit as good as it smelled, and Ikkaku's satisfied sigh after his first sip made something relax a little in Kira's face.

They had their tea, all quiet and civilized, and then Ikkaku said, "You don't gotta do this for me. I don't expect it."

Something in Kira tensed right back up, and Ikkaku could see fear and distrust clouding his eyes, which cut a lot sharper than Ikkaku had thought it would.

And he sighed, because this whole day had been him putting his foot in it where Kira was concerned. Nothing wrong with the rest of the division that a little consistent ass-kicking wouldn't fix, but Kira was another story.

"You don't gotta," he repeated, because that anxious desperate look was back on Kira's face. "But it was nice. If you want to have tea together every day, I'll boil the water or somethin'."

Kira looked genuinely startled at that, and it kind of made Ikkaku want to hit something. Hard. But then Kira smiled, just a little shy curving of his lips, and said, "If you like, Captain."

Feeling like he'd done something right with Kira for the first time that day, Ikkaku grinned back.

***

In Ikkaku's experience, if he was maneuvered into something, and he didn't see or hear or smell it coming, it could only be Yumichika's work.

He'd told Renji to fuck off several days before, because he had no intention of leaving Zaraki's service. Then he'd gone out drinking with Renji, Hisagi, and Yumichika, and it was, poor Kira this, and poor Kira that.

Finally, he's snapped, "I don't know why the hell you're feeling so sorry for him. Shouldn't have trusted that foxface bastard in the first place."

Yumichika kicked him under the table. "And what if Captain Zaraki had turned out to be a manipulative, no-good, sexually-abusive traitor?"

Hisagi and Renji said in shocked unison, "_Sexually-abusive?"_

Ikkaku said plaintively, "Could you _not_ use the words 'captain' and 'sex' in the same sentence ever again? I'm going to be sick."

"Big baby," Yumichika sniffed. "And well. It's not as though I know for sure, but there are _signs_."

Ikkaku manfully tried to restrain himself from asking what the hell Yumichika was yammering on about, because it wasn't like he'd paid much attention to Kira Izuru before, but he'd looked okay enough to Ikkaku. Well, for a third division guy, anyway.

"Ah, if only he had a captain as wonderful as Zaraki," Yumichika sighed regretfully. "Someone who was interested in making him strong instead of taking advantage of him."

Hisagi and Renji looked like they were still stuck on the abuse thing.

"I didn't even notice," Hisagi said miserably, slouching against the table. "I'm a terrible sempai."

"Always knew there was something fishy about Ichimaru," Renji said, taking a big, morose gulp of sake. "Didn't know it was like that."

Ikkaku knocked back the last mouthful from his cup. "Don't know where they're going to get a new captain for the third, anyway, so he's probably safe from molestin' at the moment," he said, which only made those two goons groan louder in pain.

"Where, indeed," Yumichika said sweetly, and it was at that moment that Ikkaku should have twigged to no-good, dumbass schemes brewing in Yumichika's stupid, befeathered head.

Goddamn hindsight.

Still, he didn't think even Yumichika was prepared for Kira Izuru to turn up in the eleventh division's headquarters not a day later, and ask for permission to speak with Zaraki and Ikkaku together.

"Well, whaddya want?" Zaraki growled, but not in a way that indicated he was going to kick someone's ass in the near future. In fact, if Ikkaku thought about it, it sounded more like when Zaraki was telling Yachiru to quit playing with the goddamn Hollow and kill it already.

Kira's head was slightly bowed, everything about his stance communicating humility and deep respect. "I've heard that your third seat knows his bankai," Kira said.

"Well, fuck," Ikkaku said, only to have Zaraki give him a look that suggested he shut up. Still, it was supposed to be a secret, dammit -- that idiot Renji must've spilled the beans.

"The third division will likely be disbanded if a new captain isn't found soon," Kira continued, and there was something about that combination of fragility and determination that made Ikkaku keep looking at him, even though he only wanted this waste of time meeting to be over.

"Huh," Zaraki said, sounding weirdly thoughtful.

"Woah, woah, woah, I ain't going _nowhere_," Ikkaku said. "So you can just get that idea outta your head right now."

And then Kira looked at him with those heartbreaking eyes, and gracefully folded to the floor in the prettiest, most humble seated bow that Ikkaku had ever seen. "Please," Kira said, no pride, his forehead nearly touching the ground. "No one can do it but you."

Ikkaku wasn't denying that he was a little flattered, because hell if it was every day when he got beautiful men begging him for favors. Still, a promise was a promise, and he wasn't going to leave Zaraki's service, not for anyone, even if they had the prettiest, saddest eyes he'd ever seen.

"Kira, get up," Zaraki said gruffly. "I don't know why you'd want the stupid asshole, but if you do, he's yours."

"Captain!" Ikkaku protested, looking at him in shock.

"Give us a few minutes alone, wouldja?" Zaraki asked.

Kira obediently stood up and shut the door behind him on his way out.

"Listen," Zaraki said. "And shut your trap until I'm done. You promised to serve me, and that's fine. A man's got to be as good as his word. But if you're going to turn away that guy out there, just 'cause you want to die in my service, that's some fucking bullshit. You want to serve me, then how's about you show me what you're really made of and go beat the third into shape."

Ikkaku gaped at him.

"More to being strong than kicking the shit outta Hollows. You think this division's always been the strongest? Hell no, took years of work. Hard work. Before you even think you're close to taking me on, let's see you handle your own division first."

"You've, uh, been thinking abou this a lot, Captain?" Ikkaku asked cautiously. It was the most words he heard about of Zaraki in a long time that didn't involve trying to reason with Yachiru.

"They keep harpin' on it at the damned captains' meetings," Zaraki growled. "And Yumichika said somethin' the other day."

Suddenly, it all made sense. "I'm going to kill him dead," Ikkaku said evenly, actually not all that surprised.

Zaraki snorted. "Not even your stupid dance will help you with that one," he said. "Go on, don't keep that kid waiting. And Ikkaku, you take it slow. Be nice to Kira, I mean it."

"_Nice_? Captain, you gettin' soft in your old age?" Ikkaku scoffed.

Sometimes he forgot how damn fast Zaraki was for such a big guy, because the next thing he knew, Zaraki had picked him up by his collar, letting his feet dangle above the floor. And then Zaraki smiled, the really scary one that was all teeth. "Nice," he said, face only inches from Ikkaku's. "Sweet as pie, you hear me? You don't hit guys like that until they can hit back and know you don't mean nothing by it. You beat up Kira now, and he'll think he deserves it, won't hit back or nothing -- and that'd make you just as low as that piece of trash Ichimaru, you got me?"

"Got it," Ikkaku said, gulping a little.

"Glad we understand each other," Zaraki said, still smiling in the really scary way. And then he hauled Ikkaku out the door and shoved him in Kira's direction. Ikkaku nearly stumbled into Kira's arms.

"Are you all right?" Kira asked worriedly, reaching out to steady him.

"He's fine," Zaraki said, leaning in the doorway. "He gives you any trouble, Kira, you come and tell me -- I'll break at least his hands."

Kira looked back and forth between Ikkaku and Zaraki, looking more than a little lost. "That's -- that's very kind of you," Kira said eventually, offering Zaraki a smile.

Holy fuck, was Captain Zaraki _blushing_?

"But I'm sure that won't be neccessary," Kira continued, and turned that smile on Ikkaku.

Well, damn. Ikkaku could feel his ears turning red, because that was one hell of a smile, even if it was still a little sad around the edges.

***

The white captain's coat was still kind of weird. Too new, maybe. Ikkaku kind of felt like going and rolling in the mud with it, or getting into a decent bar brawl, just to dull down that shiny whiteness into something respectable. Still, from the way Kira fussed at him, adjusting his collar before he went out, he figured he should restrain himself.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he said one day, batting Kira's hands away. "You think I can't dress myself?" And as soon as it was out of his mouth, he knew it was a dumbass thing to say.

Kira's hands dropped immediately. "Of course the captain is fine just the way he is. I didn't mean to be a bother."

Ikkaku sighed. "Look, it's not that, Kira, really. Just, you don't gotta do nothing for me."

"But I want to," Kira said softly, and the hell of it was, Ikkaku knew that Kira was just trying to help his new captain get used to things.

"Okay, fine," Ikkaku said after a moment. "As long as you understand this ain't some one-way street. Come on, we're gonna be late." He smoothed the cloth across Kira's shoulders, although of course it didn't need it.

He could see their reflection in the glass on their way out of the third's headquarters, and he thought he could see what they would be -- a strong division with a good captain and vice-captain, standing shoulder to shoulder and taking everyone on.

Well, at least they would be standing shoulder to shoulder if Kira didn't persistently walk behind him and just to the left, like the perfect subordinate Ichimaru had probably bent him into being.

He stopped studdenly, and Kira nearly ran into him.

"Captain?" Kira asked. Any other guy might have been irritated, might have complained, but he'd yet to hear Kira protest anything. Wasn't natural, that.

"Hard to talk to you like that," Ikkaku said gruffly. "You belong here," he said, and pulled Kira next to him. "At my side, not trailin' behind me."

Kira's eyes widened. "Yes, Captain," he said, and even through the obedient tone, Ikkaku could hear that little sliver of wonder in his voice.

Zaraki hadn't been kidding when he said this was a lot of work. Still, small victories. Maybe he could work next on getting Kira to call him by his name in private.

***

Being captain meant less killing and more paperwork, but at least Ikkaku still got plenty of chances to fight, because god knew the third needed a lot of work in the ass-kicking department.

Ikkaku wasn't much of a scholar, but he was a self-professed expert on violence. And in his opinion, fighting out of fear wasn't half so effective as fighting out of fun. And dammit, the third was going to learn to enjoy itself or die trying.

He made Kira come with him to the new mandatory morning training sessions. He got the feeling that Kira was used to training in private, or maybe with Renji or Hisagi on occasion. Well, no more of that. Far as Ikkaku was concerned, the only kind of division worth having was the kind who beat the shit out of each other and could smile about it afterwards. How you were supposed to trust people if you didn't even trust them to be strong enough to break your nose?

"Us next," Ikkaku said. "Don't go holding back, now."

Kira looked doubtful, but when they crossed swords, Ikkaku could see why Kira had made vice-captain. He was fluid and fast, but he'd be so much better without his jaw clenched like that.

"Come on," Ikkaku taunted. "What, you think you're going to hurt me? You're a hundred years to early for that, princess."

Okay, so Zaraki and Yumichika and Renji had all told him to be nice to Kira, but Ikkaku figured that getting him to loosen up _was_ being nice.

Kira actually looked irritated, which was a new expression to Ikkaku. And then Kira really laid in to him, with a nice combo that ended with the sweetest left hook that Ikkaku had seen in some time.

Ikkaku spat out a mouthful of blood, and grinned. "Now you're talkin'!" he hollered, and after that, their bout was a lot more fun.

"That's the spirit," Ikkaku said, after he'd disarmed Kira and pinned him down. "Wasn't that fun?"

"I think you broke two of my ribs," Kira said slowly and distinctly, but he didn't sound pissed.

"You knocked out one of my molars. Think you dislocated my thumb, too," Ikkaku said cheerfully. "Want to go again?"

Kira gingerly rolled out from under Ikkaku, and then stared at him for a minute.

Maybe Ikkaku was finally starting to get through, because Kira shrugged and said, "Sure, why not?"

***

When he thought about it, it was pretty damn suspicious that he'd rarely seen Kira when he'd hung out with the guys. Renji and Hisagi were Kira's Academy classmates -- why wouldn't they see him much after they joined the Gotei-13?

He'd asked Renji as much, and Renji scratched his head and looked uncomfortable. "We asked. Bunch of times. But he said he was busy with stuff for Ichimaru, so after a while, I guess we kinda stopped asking."

Ikkaku nodded thoughtfully, and then hit Renji upside the head. "Well, _start_ askin'. If you're worried about him enough to go along with Yumi's stupid plans, you can make sure he comes with us from now on."

"Hey, you figured that out? Yumichika said you were too dumb to even notice--"

Ikkaku pulled him into a headlock for his trouble and messed up his hair with a noogie.

So that was how Kira ended up joining the weekly mahjong tournament.

"So nice of you to come!" Yumichika gushed when Kira came in the door. "Come in, come in, what can I get you to drink? Here, sit down next to Ikkaku."

Kira obediently sat, which was probably his best bet when faced with an onslaught of Ayasegawa Yumichika. "I -- whatever everyone else is having," he said.

"He hates shochu," Ikkaku volunteered, and cheered a little inside when he saw the surprised look on Kira's face. Hey, he could be observant, too. "Bring on the beer!"

"Should we be drinking the cheap crap first?" Hisagi asked. "Can't appreciate the good stuff when you're drunk."

"We're playing mahjong, not having a wine tasting," Renji shot back. "Uh, hey Kira, how's it going?"

"Hey Kira," Hisagi echoed sheepishly.

"Hi," Kira said, smiling a little. "It's good to see you again. Oh, and nice to see you too, Captain."

Ikkaku shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "You don't gotta call me 'Captain' when we're like this, you know."

Kira blinked. "Ah. Well, if it's really all right...Madarame-san."

Ikkaku knew those damn idiots Abarai and Hisagi were watching closely, but he couldn't just leave it at that. "You can call me Ikkaku," he muttered, looking away from Kira. "You know, if you wanted too." He could feel his tips of his ears going red.

"Oh," Kira said, sounding surprised, but in the good way. "You could could call me Izuru. If you wanted to...Ikkaku-san."

Ikkaku met his eyes and knew the bridge of his nose had gone ruddy, ugly scarlet.

And of course, that was when the two lugs across from them started to hoot and holler. "You _blushin'_, Ikkaku?" Renji asked, nearly spraying his beer while trying not to laugh.

"Oh, shut your face," Ikkaku growled. "Or I'll shut it for you."

"No swords at the mahjong table, please," Yumichika said, breezing back into the room with a better brand of sake than he'd ever give Ikkaku or the other two thugs. Sure enough, he poured for Kira, and Kira only. "If it's not to your taste, there are plenty of other options," he said to Kira, smiling all nice and friendly.

Which of course made Kira smile back, and he replied, "I'm sure it's wonderful, thank you."

"How come Kira gets the good stuff?" Renji asked suspiciously.

"Because being beautiful is hard work," Yumichika said with a disdainful sniff. "And beautiful people should look out for each other, because god knows you idiots will never catch on."

Ikkaku wasn't one hundred percent sure, but he thought Yumi was glaring at Hisagi when he said that. Weird.

As it turned out, Kira wasn't a mahjong shark -- at least, not _yet_ \-- but he did managed to beat the living shit out of Renji.

"I don't believe it," Renji moaned. "You never even used to play in the Academy!"

"That's my vice-captain," Ikkaku said, drunk on beer and cheap sake and pride. He squeezed Kira's shoulder with one hand, and Kira turned to look at him in surprise, his face flushed.

"It's getting late," Kira said after a moment, looking reluctant. "Maybe we're inconveniencing Yumichika-san."

"Oh my, it is that time, isn't it?" Yumichika said, with a little yawn that Ikkaku was pretty sure was fake. "Hisagi can stay to help me clean up."

"I can?" Hisagi echoed, somewhere between wasted and really confused.

"So nice of you to volunteer," Yumichika said sweetly. "Ikkaku, you'll see Kira-kun home, won't you?"

Ikkaku might have been drunk, but Yumi wasn't even being subtle. "Yeah. Goin' that way anyway."

Sure enough, Yumichika found some reason to delay Renji too as he hustled Ikkaku and Kira out the door. And before they left, Yumichika's perfectly manicured hand shot out and grabbed Ikkaku by the collar and dragged him in close enough to whisper, "_Behave_ yourself, or I'll break every bone in your body. _Twice_."

"Then why are ya --" Ikkaku started to protest, but Yumi shoved him back so that Kira had no choice but to catch him.

"Good night," Yumichika said, smiling sweetly at Kira for about the thousandth time that evening.

He realized after a second that Kira was still holding on to him, even though Ikkaku could stand up on his own just fine. He didn't really want to shake Kira off, so he just said, "Guess we should get going."

Kira's hands dropped, and part of Ikkaku thought it was a damn shame.

On their way back through the winding maze of Seiretai, Ikkaku kept thinking of things to say and then not saying them, because they were either stupid questions or things Kira probably wouldn't want to answer. After opening his mouth only to close it several times, Kira said, "Something on your mind, Captain?"

"Ikkaku," he corrected absentmindedly.

He could almost hear Kira smiling, that small little curving of his lips that Ikkaku had come to see more and more often. "All right. Is there something on your mind, Ikkaku-san?"

"Why did you ask me to be your captain?" he blurted out.

Kira looked up at the night sky for a moment, as if thinking. "I know what they say about me. That I was too loyal to Captain Ichimaru, that what happened is at least partially my fault. And they're right," he said quietly. "But even after all of that -- the third was still my division, and I couldn't let it fall apart."

Ikkaku mulled that over. "I can understand that. But why me? Just 'cause I knew my bankai?" He found, suddenly, that the idea left him feeling a little off.

"No," Kira said, something mysterious in his eyes.

They came to a stop outside Kira's quarters, and Ikkaku said, "Then why--"

And Kira kissed him.

His arms closed around Kira reflexively, and he relaxed into the kiss for a moment -- it was a damn _nice_ kiss, after all -- before something in his head clicked together and told him this was probably what Yumi had been warning him against.

He pulled away slowly, not letting go of Kira just yet. "Uh. I, uh, that's probably takin' advantage of you, and Yumi's gonna kill me or something."

"I kissed _you_, Ikkaku-san, not the other way around," Kira reminded him gently.

Ikkaku tried to think that through. "Still think Yumi'll kill me," he concluded.

"I asked you to be our captain because I liked you," Kira said.

Ikkaku stared at him. "Are you fuckin' kidding me? You were _terrified_ when I came to the division," he said incredulously.

Kira ducked his head a little. "I'd served Captain Ichimaru for a long time. I wasn't sure what to expect. But I did like you."

If he'd actually had a hairline to speak of, his eyebrows would have disappeared into it. "What the hell _for_?"

Kira leaned in again, and Ikkaku really was either too smart or too dumb to push him away, and instead wrapped one arm tighter around Kira, and cupped one hand at the nape of Kira's neck. And maybe it had been awhile, what with the promotion and all, and hell, maybe they were both drunk on top of it, but he thought he could go on kissing Kira in front of his quarters forever.

...well. Maybe not forever. Especially not with Kira giving as good as he got, and okay, Ikkaku _might_ have maneuvered them against the wall, but it was definitely Kira who opened his legs and let Ikkaku wedge a thigh between them. And it really couldn't be Ikkaku's fault if Kira grabbed his ass and pulled him closer.

Still, in whatever part of his brain that was still functioning, he realized that this wasn't going to be that simple, and Kira wasn't some random chick that he could forget to call in the morning. "Kira," he groaned, trying to get some space between them.

Kira reached for him again, and then looked confused when he pulled away. "Ikkaku?" he asked softly, looking hurt.

Ikkaku sighed and ran one hand over his head. "Look, we shouldn't do this tonight."

"We shouldn't?" Kira echoed doubtfully.

"Look, you're still -- and Ichimaru and all that, so I just -- I ain't goin' anywhere, you can take your time," Ikkaku said, his voice a little raspy.

Kira just looked even more confused, and Ikkaku could have beat the shit out of that fox-faced bastard for making "being a gentleman" such a goddamn foreign concept.

"Drink some water and go to bed, okay Kira?" Ikkaku said, tucking part of Kira's hair behind his ear.

"Call me Izuru and kiss me again, and I will," Kira said.

He really wanted nothing more than to follow Kira inside and into his bed. But he kissed Kira again, sweet and soft and as much of a promise as he could make it. "Night, Izuru," he said, after he slowly drew away.

"Good night," Kira said, and disappeared into his quarters.

Ikkaku sighed. Damn, but Zaraki hadn't been kidding when he said this being captain thing was hard. He wasn't really used to ignoring his hormones for the good of other seemingly completely willing people, but there was no way Kira was ready yet. And Ikkaku had the self control to wait it out, he really did. Even if it sucked.

On the upside, though, at least Yumichika wasn't going to kill him. Well, as long as Kira remembered to wear something around his neck tomorrow, anyway.

***

Ikkaku walked into work and really hoped things wouldn't be weird. Or weirder, whatever. But morning training restored his sense of equilibrium, because there was nothing like beating the crap out of complacent fourth chairs to get a man's head screwed on straight. It was a hard job, but _somebody_ had to do it.

So after he conquered an hour of paperwork, he went to put the kettle on and Kira got out the cups.

"Which kind should we have today?" Kira asked.

Ikkaku narrowed his eyes at the kettle, already waiting impatiently for the right moment to turn it off before it got too hot. "We got any genmai left?"

Kira checked. "Just enough," he said, and fussed with the teapot and the last of the tea leaves.

He'd been doing such a good job not thinking about last night until Kira turned just right and Ikkaku could see a hickey he'd left, right above Kira's collar. And then it was like, boom, straight back to last night, and then remembering how he'd gone home and jerked off while thinking about Kira panting in his ear.

No, no, that way lay being messily killed by Yumichika. Dammit, he was going to be _good_. Last thing Kira needed was getting jumped too soon.

"Captain? It's boiling," Kira said, startling him out of his thoughts.

"Oh, shit," Ikkaku said, and flipped off the burner.

***

"It's Baldy!" Yachiru chirped from the doorway.

"Heya, Vice-Captain," Ikkaku said, looking up from his paperwork. He'd felt Zaraki's reiatsu long before Yachiru had poked her head in. "Where's Captain at?"

"Ken-chan!" Yachiru hollered. "Baldy wants to see you!"

It was almost in moments like these that Ikkaku could forget what a scary, scary kid she was. Almost kind of cute-like, calling after Zaraki.

Kira was looking at them with interest, and Ikkaku could have _sworn_ he saw Kira smile just a bit when Yachiru called him "baldy." Little did he know, that was probably the kindest name Yachiru had for Ikkaku. The rest of them all went sharply downhill from there.

Zaraki filled the doorway, and Kira was already up on his feet. "Good afternoon, Zaraki-tachou, please come in -- would you like some tea?"

"Tea?" Zaraki said blankly.

"I'll get it ready right away, just a minute," Kira said, and Ikkaku didn't try to stop him -- when he was startled or nervous, Kira reverted to some of his earlier habits, and Ikkaku had learned that there was no point in trying to fix everything all at once. Ichimaru had years to break down Kira from the energetic, arrogant young man from Renji and Hisagi's memories of their Academy days. It was, Ikkaku figured, like strengthening muscles -- you did it little by little, not all at once.

Zaraki took a seat across from Ikkaku, which felt weird. He definitely wasn't used to being the one on the other side of the captain's desk, that was for sure.

"What can I do for you, Captain?" Ikkaku asked finally.

"Came to see how you were doin' with this weakling division," Zaraki said. "It still kinda looks like crap to me."

"I'm _workin'_ on it!" Ikkaku said defensively. "This isn't a promotion -- this is some kind of freak punishment, not to mention some goddamn hard work. You wouldn't _believe_ what kind of dumb shit goes on around here."

Zaraki just looked at him.

"Or maybe that ain't news," Ikkaku concluded, considering that Zaraki had been complaining about idiots in his division and others ever since they got to Seiretai.

Kira conveniently came back at that moment, and served Ikkaku and Zaraki steaming cups of what Ikkaku knew was Zaraki's favorite tea -- seriously, how did Kira know these things? -- and milk and little rabbit-shaped cookies for Yachiru.

No one was extraordinarily surprised when Yachiru bit all the heads off the cookies first.

"So..." Zaraki said, almost sounding uncomfortable. "This idiot doin' right by the third, Kira?"

Kira didn't blush or look flustered at that, which was a little surprising.. He just inclined his head and said, "Thank you for releasing him from your service."

Zaraki snorted. "He'll be servin' me the rest of his life, captain or no -- don't matter where you are," he added, glaring at Ikkaku.

Ikkaku took a noisy sip of his tea, because he was maybe just a little bit pleased that Captain Zaraki still considered his promise unbroken, and he didn't want to ruin the moment by saying something stupid. Yachiru took the opportunity to wander off to Kira's desk, and Ikkaku seriously hoped that Kira didn't have anything important laying around -- no telling what she'd get up to.

"I wasn't shocked or nothin' when you came to ask for this goon, here," Zaraki said. "I figured, you spent all them years with Ichimaru, so you knew how to survive. You moved mighty quick, too -- the ninth was kinda pissed when they'd heard you'd beat them to the punch."

Ikkaku looked at Kira sidelong, curious.

"If you were after any old captain candidate, I wouldn't have let you have him. But you said you wanted him, and nobody else. You got what you came after?" Zaraki asked.

And there was that pretty blush on Kira's face -- not much, just a little pink across his cheekbones. "More than that," he said softly, looking down at his teacup with a small smile, and then it was Ikkaku's turn to get red in the face. He was pretty sure he didn't look even half so nice as when Kira did it, though.

Zaraki cleared his throat. "Well. Guess that's okay, then. Offer for hand-breakin' still holds, if he gives you any trouble."

"You know, I'm still in the room," Ikkaku snapped.

Zaraki glared at him. "Fine. Be good to Kira or you'll be doing your paperwork with your toes, dumbass."

Yachiru laughed at that. "I want to see!"

"Wait a minute there, you little monster, I ain't done nothing yet," Ikkaku protested. "Right, Kira?"

"Nothing yet," Kira agreed, but there was something maybe a little wistful in his tone, a little hopeful. Ikkaku didn't think Kira was talking about impending breakage, or at least he hoped not.

"Yachiru, we're going," Zaraki said, standing up suddenly.

She clambered down from Kira's chair and jumped up to cling to Zaraki's shoulder. "Bye-bye, Baldy! Bye-bye, Princess!"

"Did she just call me 'Princess'?" Kira asked after they left, sounding a little strangled.

"Welcome to the family," Ikkaku said sympathetically. "And believe me, it could always be worse."

***

A few days later, Ikkaku and Kira were waiting out the rain on the porch of a building somewhere between the headquarters of the ninth and the eighth.

"It's really coming down," Kira said, his brow furrowing a bit as he carefully pushed the stacks of documents they'd been carrying closer to the wall.

"Might as well sit, then," Ikkaku said, and settled with his back against the wall.

After a moment, Kira sat down right next to him, and for awhile, they watched the rain soak the courtyard in front of them.

"You haven't kissed me since that night," Kira said suddenly, and Ikkaku's eyes flew open from the half-doze he'd been about to indulge in.

"I thought you were the one who kissed me," Ikkaku said, but he knew he was only buying himself a little time.

Kira turned a little to face him, and Ikkaku suddenly realized that Kira looked pretty damn frustrated. "I don't know what you're waiting for," Kira said.. "Unless you don't -- I mean, if you didn't mean what you said two years ago, you should have told me, it isn't fair if you've never had any intention --"

Ikkaku grabbed his shoulders. "Woah, woah, what about two years ago?"

Kira all but wilted in his grasp. "So you don't remember. Yumichika said you might not."

"And what am I supposed to be remembering?" Ikkaku demanded, not liking that crestfallen look on Kira's face, not one bit.

Kira looked down and away. "It was at that year's end party at Renji's. Do you remember that one?"

Ikkaku had to think about it for a minute. "Yumi fleeced me outta a week's pay at cards, and I woke up the next morning in a futon closet. Dunno how I got there."

Kira fussed with one sleeve, looking a little shy. "After the card game, you just...you sat down next to me, and we started talking. You said if you were ever my captain, you wouldn't protect me from everything, that you'd make me stand on my own two feet. And then you -- well, you--"

Ikkaku winced. "What did I do?"

Kira wetted his lips once before continuing. "You went down on me in the closet. And you said you definitely wouldn't cheat on me with Matsumoto or anyone else if you had me."

Ikkaku stared at him, but all he could remember was waking up on a spare futon. And then he almost groaned when he processed that last part. "Shit, please tell me you knew about Ichimaru and Matsumoto before I told you."

Kira blinked. "Why should I care if they slept together?"

"Look, you don't have to pretend. Everyone knows about you and Ichimaru and..."

"What are you talking about?" Kira demanded, looking ten kinds of indignant.

Ikkaku scratched his head. "You know. Bad touch in the office?"

"Excuse me? I don't know what you heard, but believe me, Captain Ichimaru never took me to bed."

"Are you sure?" Ikkaku asked, his head feeling like it was reeling.

Kira actually rolled his eyes. "I think it's the kind of thing I'd remember."

"Well, I think I oughta be able to remember blowing you in a closet," Ikkaku said, damned annoyed with himself. "I'm never getting that drunk again, I swear."

"I won't -- of course I won't hold you to it if you can't remember," Kira said quietly, sounding defeated. "I probably should have realized that you didn't really mean--"

"The hell I didn't mean it," Ikkaku snapped. "And just because I didn't remember it doesn't mean I didn't keep it. I mean, look at you, Kira. You telling me I didn't make you stand on your own?"

"You did," Kira said, and Ikkaku felt a surge of satisfaction that they'd managed that much already. "I -- that was why I asked you to be our captain. Even though I knew it would be different and I was afraid to change, I believed what you told me back then."

A survivor, Captain Zaraki had called Kira. And pretty goddamn gutsy under it all, to remember a drunken almost-promise and go after Ikkaku when he'd thought his division needed it, even if it scared the crap out of him.

Ikkaku couldn't help grinning at him, because Kira was always surprising him like that. "You're something else, you know that?" he said after a moment. "And, well, I meant the other part too. Definitely wouldn't cheat on you with anyone. You know...if I had you."

"Do you want to? Have me, I mean," Kira said, looking a little anxious and a lot goddamn beautiful.

"I'd have to be an idiot not to," Ikkaku said hoarsely, and he wasn't sure who moved first or if they slid together at the same time, but he was finally kissing Kira again, firm and serious just like he'd been wanting to, and Kira was half on Ikkaku's lap, his hands fisted in Ikkaku's gi, like he wasn't ever going to let go.

And he didn't know how the hell he'd managed to forget making out with Kira in a closet two years ago, because this was the kind of thing he wanted to remember forever. The weight of Kira's body in his arms, the feel of wiry muscles under his fingertips, the little moans Kira made during their kisses, the way Kira tilted his head to one side to let Ikkaku kiss and suck and nibble down his neck -- these were things Ikkaku didn't want to forget again. And Kira wasn't shy, not about this -- he moved to straddle Ikkaku's lap, so that he could trace the curve of Ikkaku's ear with his tongue, before taking the lobe between his teeth and making Ikkaku's head thunk back against the wall with how good it felt.

"You okay?" Kira murmured, feeling like he was about to draw back.

Ikkaku slid his hands inside Kira's hakama and grabbed his ass. "Head's hard. Don't stop."

"Mmm," Kira sighed in his ear, and deliberately ground his hips in a tight circle against Ikkaku.

"Been good for weeks now," Ikkaku muttered into Kira's skin, licking his way across Kira's collarbone. "Didn't want to scare you."

"Do I look scared?" Kira asked, fingers already tugging at the ties to Ikkaku's hakama. And he was like something out of Ikkaku's fantasies all these weeks, but better -- all mussed hair and wet lips and gi loosened from Ikkaku shoving it out of his way to taste skin.

"You look like I never should've let you go," Ikkaku said honestly, before catching Kira's lips in another kiss while their hands pushed the fronts of their hakama out of the way. The rain was still coming down hard, chilling the air, but Kira's skin was warm everywhere he could touch, and they both hissed in pleasure when Ikkaku wrapped his hand around their cocks, stroking them up and down and against each other. He could feel the tension in Kira's thighs spread over his, could feel the flex of Kira's ass under one hand as Kira pushed into the other, could feel the way Kira shuddered when Ikkaku thrust his own hips up.

Kira tugged at his wrist, and Ikkaku reluctantly let go of their erections, only to have Kira cover his palm with wet, long licks, sucking briefly at his fingertips before pushing his hand back down. Ikkaku grinned, taking them both into his slick grasp and stroking them a little harder, a little faster, and Kira wrapped his arms around Ikkaku's shoulders and held on as if for dear life.

"Oh god," Kira groaned, his hips moving a little more sharply, breathing faster and making hot little noises that were driving Ikkaku _crazy_.

Ikkaku grunted and twisted the palm of his hand over the heads of their cocks, and Kira stiffened in his arms, an inarticulate cry on his lips as he came in Ikkaku's hand. The warmth and the wet and Kira's sighs were too much, and Ikkaku shoved his hips up one last time and shuddered his way through orgasm, his head resting against Kira's shoulder.

They didn't move for a few minutes, catching their breath while Kira stroked his thumb in aimless, meandering circles against Ikkaku's neck. Ikkaku heard the rain slow as he turned his head a little, finding Kira's mouth with his own again.

Finally, Kira sat back a little, and looked at the state of their clothing with a wry smile. "I think we made a mess," he said, but he didn't sound upset or anything.

Ikkaku swallowed once, because Kira with his gi hanging open and his hakama falling loose around his hips was a damn fine sight to see. "Maybe we should, y'know. Go home and get cleaned up."

"Aren't we still on duty?" Kira asked.

"Yeah, and it didn't stop us from having sex outside," Ikkaku reminded him, not falling for that innocent tone. "My feeling is, we take this someplace with a decent bed, yeah? Division can do without us for an afternoon."

Kira made a show of thinking that over. "I suppose we _have_ been working hard," he said, starting to put their clothing to rights.

"Damn right we have," Ikkaku said. And then he added, "But, um, we don't have to. Y'know, if you don't want to, I was just thinking we could--"

"Ikkaku," Kira interrupted him.

"Yeah?"

"My quarters are closer, I think."

"You really are something else, Izuru," Ikkaku said, grinning. And then he yelled, "Hey you, flunky! C'mere!"

Kira nearly jumped out of his skin before he slumped against Ikkaku, hiding his face in Ikkaku's shoulder when he realized someone had finally stumbled across them.

The passing-by shinigami approached warily, and said, "Sirs?"

"Take that--" Ikkaku pointed at the paperwork, "over to the fifth. And quit lookin', you goddamn perv, this ain't for you."

"I -- no sir, I wasn't looking, I'll -- right away, sir."

He skittered off as fast as possible, and Ikkaku could feel Kira shaking against his shoulder. "Uh, hey, are you all right? Sorry about the -- well..."

And then he realized Kira was laughing. Laughing his ass off, actually. And when he looked up at Ikkaku, the expression on Kira's face damn near took his breath away.

"Race you," Kira said, and before Ikkaku knew it, he'd climbed off Ikkaku's lap and taken off running.

Well, like hell Ikkaku would ever back down from a challenge like _that_.

***

"Yumi!" Ikkaku bellowed, shoving the office door open with a crack. "Why the hell didn't you say anything about me and Kira in the closet?"

Yumichika looked up from his desk. "Are we talking about a _metaphorical_ closet, or an actual one?"

Ikkaku frowned. "The real thing."

"Good, because I think the first is a lost cause after you have sex in public."

"We didn't--" Ikkaku started, but then gave up that line of argument. It wasn't going to get him anywhere, especially since it was sort of true. "Two years ago, at Abarai's. You couldn't have told me why I woke up in the closet?"

Yumichika laid his writing brush down with graceful and strangely sarcastic precision. "No, because I maintain a strictly hands-off approach toward your one night stands. You were entirely too drunk to remember it, and it took Kira-kun two years before he decided to do anything about it. I didn't realize you'd made any sort of _promises_ to the poor man until he came to me for advice."

Ikkaku looked down for a second, because he was actually still a little ashamed about the whole forgetting promises thing. But then he remembered the other thing he was pissed at Yumi about. "And why did you tell me that Ichimaru was molestin' him? Kira says that freak never touched him," Ikkaku said belligerently, righteous fury back on his side again.

"Because," Yumichika said, slowly and clearly, "you don't have to touch someone to fuck with their head, and I knew Kira-kun was going to need some time, no matter what he thought."

"Oh," Ikkaku said, wind taken out of his sails again.

"The words are you're looking for are, 'You're right, Yumichika, how could I ever have doubted your breathtaking brilliance, and thank you for setting me up with someone who is almost as beautiful as you.'"

Ikkaku snorted. "Yeah, whatever. I don't see why you gotta make everything ten times more complicated than it has to be."

"Oh dear, it's almost the lunch hour -- don't you have some place else to be?" Yumichika asked, glaring at him.

Ikkaku tried to restrain the goofy smile on his face when he remembered that he and Kira had plans to eat outdoors, seeing as the weather was decent and all that. "Yeah, gotta head back to the third," he said, and walked toward the door.

And then he stopped, turned around a bit, and said, "Hey, Yumi."

"What?"

Ikkaku cleared his throat. "Just -- thanks."

Yumichika's eyes widened just a fraction, and then he sniffed and said, "I suppose even idiots can show good sense _once_ in awhile."

Ikkaku rolled his eyes. "Okay, and now I'm going back to the division where people have to at least _pretend_ they respect me."

"Just as long as you don't forget where you came from," Yumichika said.

"Ain't that what I got you for?" Ikkaku said, grinning. He let the door slam shut behind him, and walked back quickly to make his date with Kira.


End file.
